Familiarity

I am familiar with all your ways…Psalm 139.2

Familiar is defined as: ‘well known from long or close association’ and implies an intimacy as one would have in a family. In fact, the root of the word refers to being of the same household. Although I am not that acquainted with family life as I was an only child with a single mother and didn’t have children of my own, I don’t need to have experienced those specifics to have my heart leap in gratitude.

I think of a Father now who knows that I prefer savoury food to sweet; my favourite colours are a green close to that of avocado flesh and a blue grey like the sea on a stormy day.  He knows that the Miles Davis brand of Jazz is something I’d walk out of the room about and that when I forget He’s there, the brother/sister fears of abandonment and rejection make it hard for me to breathe. He knows I get excited about change and yet tend to be unnerved by spontaneity; He knows I enjoy reading but if I leave that pleasure to anything nearing 10pm, I’ll only get one sentence in before nodding off; He knows I’m practical and I like to get my hands dirty and that I like to dress up pretty sometimes and He knows that if I don’t do something creative at least once a day, I begin to feel listless and anxious. He has known me through my agony of being fatherless and seeking consolation in other relationships; He knows the days I threatened to take my own life and hated my mother; He has seen me angry, frustrated, grieving. He understood my searching as a teenager for things that would satisfy and watched me hurt myself and others. He saw the abuse, the loss, the cursing from people close to me and how I took it to be the truth about me. He saw how hard I worked to get approval, how hard I worked because I could get lost in my work and being active settled my heart. He sees now my hunger for more and my longing for a solid direction to pursue. He sees my scars and knows where they came from. He knows things about me that I can’t even put into words and loves me still.

He is not just familiar with the prayers you pray, the songs you sing to Him, the days you ‘go to church’, He is familiar with ALL your ways and loves you still.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s